Loving Your Memory
by Frankielynn
Summary: It was a mistake, it wasn't suppose to happen like this. Not with him. But it did, and now Bella's left trying to clean up the pieces, and move on. If only it were that easy.
1. Prologue

**So I know I seem to have been gone for awhile, but I'm trying to come back. And as my main bio says, I'm re-adding in all my old fics, as well as giving you guys a whole bunch of new ones. **

**Bear with me as I get all this done for you guys. Make sure to leave me love and tell me what you think, or it there is a story you really want brought back.**

**I want to thank AJasperForME, for working super hard and fast to help me get these cleaned up and back to you guys. I love her.**

**Also, stay tuned for a third version of this story coming soon, told from Alice's POV.**

**Frankie**

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I knew he wouldn't be coming home tonight. He was with _her_ again. He was with Alice. She had been the new legal aid at his office and it wasn't long before she had caught the eye of all the men there, including my husband. She was young with short jet black hair and a small pocket-sized figure. Alice had impressed the boss by being the youngest female to graduate at the top of her class for her field and was eager to learn more. She was also discrete, a major plus since half the men in the firm were married.

Alice was just the breath of fresh air Jasper needed. Jasper and I married fresh out of high school. We were eighteen and in love. Up until Alice, we were also happy. Or so I thought.

I started to notice little changes in Jasper. He started to come home later, he wouldn't even so much as kiss me 'til he took a shower, and he had taken to saying "me too" when I told him I loved him.

It wasn't long after, I found out we were pregnant. The look on Jasper's face when I told him made me feel, at least for that moment, things would be ok.

Life with Jasper started to get back to normal. We spent more time together, he'd sing to my growing belly almost daily, and he had started telling me he loved me more often. Even making love with Jasper was better. We picked out baby names and painted the nursery soft pinks when we found out it was a girl. Life was great, until one day while Jasper was in the shower, I heard his phone go off signaling a text. Thinking it was one of his friends from work confirming the poker game tonight, I opened the message.

The words were simple, but said so much all at the same time. My world blurred around me as I read the words over and over.

"_There's something I need to tell you. Alice"_

I heard the shower turn off as I placed the phone back in his pants pocket. Collecting the rest of the laundry and heading downstairs, I felt the baby move and kick. My nervousness rose waiting for Jasper to come downstairs.

"I always feel better after a nice hot shower." He said, placing a kiss to my cheek and rubbing my eight-month pregnant belly.

"Yeah, showers are like that," I paused, turning around to see him sitting at the counter, hair still dripping, reading the paper. "What do you want for dinner?"

"Nothing, I got that poker game with the guys from work remember? I'll grab something on the way."

"Oh that's right, I forgot." I felt the lump in my throat getting bigger.

"Well, I better get going. I shouldn't be gone too late. Love you, baby." He kissed my cheek again, grabbing his keys and left. I placed my hand over my stomach, feeling the kicks grow harder.

"I know baby, I know."

A few hours later resting on the couch, I heard Jasper's car pull in. Shutting the door behind him, I heard him walk into the living room softly, as not to wake me.

"You're still up?" His eyes looked surprised to see me sitting up awake, waiting for him.

"Just waiting for you."

"You didn't have to do that."

"I don't mind. How was your game?" His eyes looked anywhere but at me as he started to answer.

"It was ... it was fine, I lost twenty bucks." He laughed slightly to himself.

"You'll get it back next time." I teased back.

"Um, Bella ... we need to talk ... I have something to tell you."

"Ok. Does this have anything to do with a text message I found on your phone today?" I looked into his eyes, hoping to find any hint I was wrong, I didn't.

"You looked at my phone?"

"It went off while you were in the shower. I thought it was something about your game tonight. Who's Alice?"

"She's what I need to talk to you about."

"So talk." He made a move to sit down next to me, placing one hand over my belly and reaching for my hand with the other. He twisted my wedding band around a few times, seeming lost in thought, before looking at me and speaking.

"Ok, so I met Alice at work, we flirted back and forth for a while. I swear it was harmless Bella ..." He was rambling now.

"Go on."

"Well, one day as I was packing up to leave, she asked if I wanted to go to lunch. I didn't think anything of it, so I went. Our flirting started to get a little more serious and one day during one of our lunches, we kissed." I nodded, letting him know to finish.

"It stayed at just that kiss for a while, then one day she came into my office crying. I tried to comfort her, make her feel better, and we wound up sleeping together. I'm so sorry."

"How long?"

"How long what?" He asked, his eyes fighting back tears.

"How long have you been sleeping with her?"

"A few months." I pulled my hand back from his grasp, standing up to pace in front of him.

"How long is a few months exactly, Jasper?"

"Eight."

"Fuck! I'm eight months pregnant, Jasper! You've been with her this whole time I've been pregnant? How could you?"

"I'm sorry."

"I'm sure you are, Jasper."

"There's more I need to tell you." He said, his hands fidgeting in his lap as he continued breaking my heart.

"What?"

"That text from Alice you saw, she's ... she's pregnant too, Bella."

"She's keeping it?"

"I asked her to. Bella, say something, please."

"I want a divorce."


	2. Chapter 1: One Step Forward, Two Steps

**As I'm sure anyone who read this before knows, this story will jump back and forth from past to present.n If you have any questions, please feel free to ask me. **

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**August 2011, Six years later**

"Parker Marie Whitlock, have you got your room cleaned up yet? Your dad's gonna be here soon to pick you up!" I yelled up the stairs to my daughter, trying to clean up the scattering of toys in my living room before Jasper came to pick her up.

After finding out about Jasper's affair, I tried to make it work with him for the sake of our daughter. But Alice being pregnant too, meant Jasper had to divide his time between me and his new family. For awhile, the arrangement seemed to work. For Jasper at least. Jasper spent the week with me and Parker, and the weekends with Alice and their daughter, Mattie. By the time Parker was a year old though, that arrangement was beginning to take its toll on me. I hated having to be the one to rock Parker back to sleep in the middle of the night, while Jasper was off with Alice, being the father to Mattie he should have been solely to Parker.

When we went through with the divorce I asked for when I found out about Alice and the baby, I found a small two bedroom house a few miles from where Jasper lived, and moved me and Parker into it a few weeks later. Being a single mom wasn't easy, or how I had seen my life going when I first found out I was pregnant, but the stress from Jasper's affair was all but gone with him not around.

I heard little feet padding around up stairs, before one of my favorite words were yelled out from a little pink bedroom. "MOM! I can't find my other shoe, come help me!"

"Did you look under your bed, Parker?" I yelled back, climbing the steps to her room.

"No!" I rolled my eyes as I made it to her room, finding her head first in her closet, tossing out every shoe she owned into the middle of her room. I walked the rest of the way in just as a pink glitter flip-flop flew at my head. I caught it in mid-air, tossing it to the floor with the rest of the growing pile.

"I'm sure it's here somewhere P, we'll find it. Can't you wear your black ones instead, until we find the other pink one?" I asked her, bending down to pluck out her black sneakers from the mess.

"NO! I want to wear the pink ones! They're the ones daddy got me." And there it was; anything Jasper got Parker was golden in her eyes. It didn't matter what it was, she had to have it with her anytime she was with her dad. It would of course always be replaced with the next thing she got from him, but for that moment it was everything.

"Ok, ok. I'll go check the laundry room."

"Thanks mom."

I was heading back down the stairs just as I saw Jasper's black truck round into the driveway. I ran my hands through my hair, sighing, and continued on to the laundry room, finding the prized pink shoe just in time to see the blur of blue and pink fly past me to answer the door. Jasper stood in the doorway, hands in his pockets, making small talk with Parker as I came out of the laundry room.

"Hey, Jasper. Here's your shoe, P. Go up stairs and get your overnight bag." I told her, handing her shoe to her, as she flew past me again, leaving Jasper and I alone.

"Hey Bella, how have you been?" He asked me nervously, looking around the living room of my house. In the five years since our divorce, I had only spoken to Jasper a handful of times, almost all of them involving Parker. In fact, if it wasn't for Parker, we wouldn't talk at all. I was still hurt over what Jasper had done and no matter how many times he told me how sorry he was, I wasn't ready to forgive him for it either.

The fact he was actually standing in the entry-way of my house instead of waiting for Parker in his truck was a huge step.

"Can I get you something to drink, Jasper?"

"No, thank you, I'm good."

"Ok. P, Hop to it, your dad's waiting!" I yelled, continuing to stare at Jasper. His hair was longer, a peak of grey starting to show at his roots. His body was still lean with just a hint of muscle under his shirt. His eyes caught mine as I made my way back up his body, giving me a small smile, letting me know I had been caught. Seeing him standing in my house with our daughter up stairs, a feeling I hadn't felt in a long time started to make its way into my mind. I missed him.

"You look good Bella, motherhood works for you."

"Thanks." I shifted my weight as the awkward silence fell over us. Jasper started to speak again as Parker, armed with her Dora overnight bag, flew past us out the door to Jasper's truck yelling as she went.

"I miss-."

"Let's go dad, I'm ready!"

"Guess that's my cue, bye Bella. See you Friday." He made his way out the door to his truck, looking somewhat defeated.

Friday came all too soon. I groaned, slamming my alarm, and rolling out of bed. Jasper would be dropping Parker off to me till Wednesday, when he would take her again till Friday. When school started we would have to rework the visit schedule I reminded myself.

Nine AM sharp, the loud roar of Jasper's truck pulled in. The soft knock that could only belong to a six year old, came soon after the engine cut off. Stuffing the last of my waffle in my mouth, I opened the door. Standing on the other side stood Parker, Jasper and a puppy. He was curled in Jasper's arms on his back like a baby, his pink tongue slightly hanging to one side, as little snoring noises left his mouth.

"Please tell you me didn't, Jasper." I begged, as I let them into the house, taking P's overnight bag.

"Daddy got me a puppy, mommy. Can we keep him?"

"Yeah, mom, can we keep him?" Jasper encouraged, sticking the puppy in my face.

"I don't know, P. A dog's a lot of work."

"Mom, please."

"Let me talk it over with your dad. Go play, ok?" I watched her run off into the living room, turning on cartoons.

"Jasper, no. A puppy? Really?"

"She saw him in the window at the mall, I couldn't say no."

"Well then, he should stay at your house." I argued, running a frustrated hand through my hair, the puppy still sleeping in Jasper's arms.

"But she's at your house more than mine, it wouldn't be fair."

"Right, cause you're all about what's fair, Jasper."

"Don't start, Bells. I'm tryin' to be a good dad to my kid in a really shitty situation. Ok?"

"Yeah, by giving me more responsibility. And if I remember correctly, YOU made it a shitty situation, Jasper." My voice raising as I spoke. "Fine, give me the damn puppy. He can stay, but only on a trail period, if it doesn't work he goes to your house." I told him, grabbing the puppy from his arms.

"Deal."

"So you got food for this thing?" I asked rolling my eyes, not sure why I was agreeing to taking him.

"His name's Monkey." Jasper told me rubbing his belly.

"Monkey?"

"You'll have to ask P. Well, Bella I need to get going, I gotta play date with Mattie. We're having a tea party." He rolled his eyes, turning towards the door. "Bye, Bella. Bye, P!" He yelled behind him as he left.

"Bye, Daddy!" Watching him climb in his truck and drive off, my heart broke. Tea parties with Mattie and a puppy for Parker. Not that Parker would ever have a tea party, but still it just didn't seem fair. I tried not to let it bother me that I was also part of the reason why Parker didn't have a dad around all of the time, that maybe we could have still been a family somehow. I pushed that thought out of my head as I put the puppy down, watching it run to Parker, licking her nose. It was too late now to change anything.

"What do you want for lunch, P?"


	3. Chapter 2: Snow

**December 2003**

The snow was coming down hard as I looked out the window waiting for Jasper to get home. The Weather Channel had said it was going to be blizzard-like conditions, and I was nervous for him to still be out in it. He had been working late the last few weeks, so I figured he was still at the office, unaware of the hell that was waiting outside.

I had planned a small romantic dinner for the two of us, a dinner that was now chilling in the fridge. I placed my hand over my flat stomach as I blew out the candles. I guess it didn't really matter how I told him my news. He would most likely be too excited to notice a candlelit table anyway. We had wanted a family since we first got married.

I had been having a hard time getting pregnant the first few years of our marriage. After ten years of trying, I was finally pregnant. I had taken a test after thinking I had the flu. I was jumping up and down in the bathroom when the little stick read "pregnant".

"I'm gonna be a mom." I told the empty room as the phone began to ring off the hook. Flying to answer, I was out of breath by the time I picked up, canceling the machine as well.

"Hello?"

"Bella, you sound out of breath. You ok?"

"I'm fine Jasper, just racing the answering machine." I laughed into the phone.

"Uh, ok. Hey listen, I hate to do this, but I don't think I'll be home tonight. I'm sorry, Bella."

"What, why?"

"This case wants to settle out of court and my client can't pay the suit. I need to rework some papers and stuff, gonna be an all-nighter again." His voice sounded off as he spoke. A feeling I couldn't place crept into my gut as I heard him sigh, shuffling things around on the other end of the phone.

"Where are you gonna sleep then?"

"Well, if I sleep at all, here at the office I guess. Look B, I really need to finish this. I'll be home tomorrow." I could have sworn I heard another voice talking to him as he hurried me off the phone.

"Well alright, I'll see you tomorrow then. I love you."

"Me, too. Bye, Bells."

"Bye, Jasper." I hung up the phone trying to hold back the tears. He was just working late, I was used to this. Jasper had been a workaholic even in high school. It was one of the things I had loved about him. He was driven. I thought how he'd be a great dad as I placed my hand on my belly again. So then why was I so upset this time?

I was pacing in front of the refrigerator trying to decide what to eat when Jasper walked in, setting his brief case down and heading up the stairs. Pulling last night's leftovers out to reheat them, I heard the water turn on. It was just another thing I mentally added to my growing list of things Jasper started doing that just seemed out of sorts.

"I reheated yesterday's dinner." I called to the footsteps coming down the stairs.

"That's fine."

"It's a good thing I don't have to be back to work 'til Monday, it's insane out there."

"Yeah, that's what the Weather Channel said. So, did you get things fixed with the case?"

"Almost,.It's probably going to be another month of negotiating before this is over."

"Oh," I looked down at my plate, spinning my noodles around on my fork.

"Well, I may have news that'll make you very happy. At least I hope it will. We've been wanting this for awhile." I smiled as he looked up. His eyes looking so tired.

"Good news?"

"Mmhmm."

"So what is it?" I pushed my chair back, standing up to go over to him. Sitting on his lap, I placed his hand on my stomach. His confused look making me laugh out loud.

"We're pregnant. We're finally pregnant, Jasper."

"You sure?"

"Positive. I took four tests. I also have a meeting with Dr. Hale Tuesday."

"I can't believe I'm gonna be a dad. I'm going to be a good dad to this little one, Bella. I'll sing to him every night and spoil him. I'm a dad, holy shit!" I giggled as his face went from happy to scared, back to happy and finally settling on what I could only guess was remorse. I chalked it up to him just being sad his own dad was never around.

"Do you want to go with me Tuesday when I meet with Dr. Hale?" I asked him as his hand continued to run over my stomach in lazy patterns.

"I would love to, but I can't. I have meetings all day Tuesday. I'm sorry."

"No, no, it's ok. Don't worry about it. There will be other chances to come with me." I gave him a sad smile and moved to clean up the kitchen.

"Here, let me clean up. You go rest."

"I'm pregnant, Jasper, not dying. I can clean up the kitchen."

"I just don't want you to overdo it." He told me, removing the plates from my hands.

"I don't see how putting two plates in a dishwasher is gonna wear me out."

"Well, maybe I want you to rest up so I can make love to my wife," He leaned in close to my ear, scooting me out of the kitchen, "and the mother of my child. God, I love you, Bella."

"Mmm, making loves sounds a lot better than doing dishes anyway," I told him, winking over my shoulder and making my way upstairs to our bedroom. "I love you too, by the way."


	4. Chapter 3: Fortunate Son

**August 2011**

I had report papers spread out all over my desk, and Monkey was licking my leg asking to go outside. I shushed him away, yelling for Parker. "P, how many times have I told you, he's your dog you have to take care of him, he needs to go out."

"Sorry, Mommy. Come on, Monkey."

"And keep him out of my office. He'll pee on the papers." I yelled as she closed the door behind her. I was turning back to the report in my hands as the phone rang. Sighing, I moved to answer it, stopping when I heard Parker talking.

"Hey, Daddy ... No, we can do that ... I have to ask Mommy ...Will you do it for me ... sounds like fun I can't wait." Before I could even begin to wonder

what sounded like fun, a small hand was sticking the phone in my face.

"Daddy wants to talk to you."

"Does he now?" I asked her, quirking my eyebrow as I took the phone from her hand.

"Yep." She was giving me her best puppy eyes, used only when begging.

"Hey, Bella."

"Jasper. You needed to talk to me?"

"Kind of ... P thinks you'll say no, so I told her I'd ask you."

"Ask me what?"

"Well, Alice has this thing to go to and is going away for a few days, so Mattie's staying with me. I was wondering if I could take P too?"

"Why?"

"I don't know if you ever noticed before, but I'm not exactly the type that dresses up and plays house. So I thought Mattie could use someone her age to play with."

"You think that is a good idea, Jasper?"

"Yeah, why not? They're the same age, they're both girls, and they are related, Bella."

"Don't remind me. When will you need her ready by?" I sighed into the phone.

With Parker standing by my desk waiting with baited breath and Jasper's soft southern twang, I found it hard to say no.

"She can go?"

"Yeah, she can go. She is your daughter, Jasper. I can't keep her from you just because I hate you."

"Thank you, Bella. We'll see you Tuesday."

"See you Tuesday. Bye, Jasper."

"Bye." I hung up the phone, nodding to Parker, who was already doing a happy dance when she realized she was going. Hugging my neck, she left to go pack.

"Parker, answer the door it's your dad." I yelled into the open hallway from my office. I had reports still not finished from the weekend and Parker being gone may actually give me the peace to finish.

Reading over an urgent email, I was frozen in my chair when I heard a sweet tinkling voice, which I knew wasn't Parker's calling to Monkey.

"Aww a doggy. Come here doggy."

"Be nice to the puppy, Mattie. His name's Monkey, he's Parker's dog."

Trying to calm my raging nerves, I made my way out of my office, watching Jasper, Parker and a girl about P's age hovering over Monkey, scratching his belly.

Having heard my footsteps, Jasper stood to face me, tapping Mattie on the shoulder to turn around as well.

"Bella, I want you to meet Mattie, my daughter." His eyes held a proud look to them, it was the same look I saw in him when he spoke of Parker. "Mattie, this is Bella, she's Parker's mom."

A little hand stretched out to mine, and I took it, smiling down at her. I had never met Alice in person, but I remembered seeing a picture of her, Jasper and a ten-month old Mattie on his computer one time. Mattie, like Parker, was a spitting image of Jasper. Both had his mesmerizing green eyes and full pouty lips. The only difference was Mattie had Alice's black hair, and Parker had my sandy brown.

"It's nice to meet you, Mattie. I hear you and Parker are spending the week at Jasper's." I could feel Jasper next to me. I'm sure, watching to see how I handled it.

"Yep, Daddy says me and P can stay up late and watch movies and play dress up and stuff."

"That sounds like fun."

"Well girls, we need to be going. We still gotta get your mom to the airport, Mattie. Tell Mommy bye, P." Jasper collected Parker's things as the girls giggled, running out to his truck. I stood there staring at him as he patted Monkey's head and moved to the door, turning around to say goodbye, only to stop when he saw my face.

"What?"

"Is Alice ... in the car now?"

"Yeah, I figured I'd get P on the way to the airport."

"Gotcha." I nodded, fidgeting my hands.

"I need to get going. Later, Bells."

"Bye. Make sure the girls get some sleep please." I called to the closing door.

"Will do. Bye."

Monkey was barking like crazy when Jasper's truck pulled in. This time it was just him and Parker. Parker was sleeping as her dad carried her up to the door. I opened the door before he could knock.

"She fell asleep in the car. Can I put her in bed?"

"Sure, down the hall on the left."

"Thanks." Watching him walk her down the hall to bed, with lopsided pigtails, I was sure he tried to do himself, that pang in my chest started to rise back up.

"She's all tucked in and out cold."

"That's good. Hey, did you do her hair?"

"She wanted pigtails. I did the best I could."

"It's sweet." I pushed back the tears as we stood there trying to think of something to say.

"Can I talk to you a sec, Bells?"

"I guess so. What's up?" I waved my hand for him to follow me into the kitchen. He sat down and waited to speak, while I fixed us some tea. I handed him his cup and noticed his eyes never left mine as he took a sip.

"So ..."

"So?"

"I miss you, Bells. I know you don't want to hear it, but I do. I still love you. Fuck, I never stopped." He paused, taking another sip of the tea and sighing. "I don't know if this makes any difference to my case or not, but I'm not with Alice. That ended right after I found out about Mattie, I promise."

"So what do you want?"

"Give us a chance again? We can go slow. Whatever you want."

"Can I ask you something?"

"Anything."

"Be honest. Is this really because you miss me,or just miss having someone in your bed?"

"I miss you, Bella. Parker should have a mom and dad."

"Parker does have a mom and dad, Jasper."

"Not together." He ran a stressed hand through his hair. His eyes were filled with tears and he looked ready to cry as they begged me to think it over.

"I... can't ... do ... this." I waved my hand between us. "It's too hard... and... it's too late. It's too fucking late, Jasper."

"Please."

"You hurt me, Jasper. You cheated on me. You got another woman pregnant. Now, tell me how do I forgive that?"

"Let me prove to you I'm not that guy anymore."

"Saying sorry, it doesn't count anymore."

"I know."

"Well, Jasper, I don't want to keep you. You have another family to go to. Night, Jasper. I'll see you when you come for Parker."


	5. Chapter 4: Alice

**July 2004**

"So let me see if I understand this right. You've been having an affair since before I got pregnant, and didn't even attempt to stop it after you knew I was."

Jasper nodded his head sadly. After telling me all the details of the affair, I told Jasper he needed to leave for a while, give me time to calm myself. I continued to yell and throw questions at him as we moved to our bedroom, so he could pack up a couple duffel bags.

"Why, Jasper?"

"I don't know." His hands continued folding up one of his shirts as he moved slowly around the bed to get the other things he needed.

I sat in the middle of the bed, helping him pack a few more of his clothes. As mad as I was with him, I couldn't let him leave without knowing a part of me still cared about him. If not for his sake, then mine.

"Was I not a good wife to you? Does she do something in bed I don't? What was it, Jasper? What was it about her that made you do this? Tell me what I'm missing."

"No. It's not like that. You've been a wonderful wife to me, and I still love you. I'm so glad you are my wife. Alice ... just ... I don't know, Alice made me feel things I haven't felt in a while."

"And none of those things could have been felt with me ... Your wife?"

"That's the thing, Bells. I didn't know I was missing them 'til she came around. Then I guess it was too late to stop it."

"Cause I'm sure you tried, right?"

"Bella ..." I saw the pain he knew he had caused me reflected in his eyes. He made one final sweep of the room, making sure he had enough clothes to last a few weeks before sitting on the bed next to me.

I hadn't cried yet. I could feel the tears stinging my eyes, but I wouldn't let them fall 'til Jasper was gone.

"Just answer the fucking question. Did you try to stop it ... at any point?"

He sighed, his hands fidgeting in his lap, debating on whether he wanted to touch me or not. "I ... I tried to stop it once. After I knew we were havin' a girl. I know I should have the minute you told me you were pregnant, and I'm sorry I didn't. I ..."

"You just didn't think you'd have to tell me, thought you were being more careful, right?"

"No ... yes ... God, I never meant for this to happen. I'm so sorry, Bells. I love you so much. I'm so sorry."

"Fuck you, Jasper. You shouldn't have anything to be sorry for. The fact that you do, that you're standing here confessing an affair, not because you wanted to but because you have to, shows me everything I need to know about you, Jasper. You're not the man I married, not anymore."

"So, I guess you really want a divorce then?"

"Honestly? I don't know what I want. I'm eight months pregnant, Jasper. As much as I hate to say it, we need you right now. I'm not gonna do anything this close to my due date, but after Parker's born, we're coming back to this. This topic is not closed. Not by a long shot." He nodded his head in understanding.

"Thank you, Bella."

"Jasper," I after called after him. "I want you to be there when Parker's born. You're her dad, and we did make this baby together. You should be there."

A brief smile crossed his face. Mouthing a thank you, he turned the door handle and left me sitting alone on the bed. I waited 'til I heard his car pull out of the driveway before all the tears spilled from my eyes. I rubbed my belly, letting Parker know just how much she was going to be loved once she got here.

I wasn't sure what my next move should be. I was far too close to my due date to be starting any kind of paperwork for a divorce. It wouldn't be fair to punish an innocent baby and keep her from her daddy her first few months on this earth. However, I knew I would never be able to forgive Jasper for what he had done. I couldn't stay married to a man I couldn't trust. Logic and reason were fighting hard with love and emotion, and in the end, I wasn't sure which one would win out. More so what one I wanted to win

I took a deep breath as I crawled into bed. I felt Parker kicking me again as I tried to sleep.

**August 2004**

I hadn't spoken to Jasper since the night in our bedroom. He had sent me a few texts letting me know he loved and missed me. As soon as I read them, I deleted them without replying. I knew he was trying. I just wasn't ready for his effort.

With it being the last stretch of my pregnancy, the doctors thought it best I be put on bed rest until the baby was born. The stress of Jasper's affair had finally taken its toll. I knew I should have called Jasper to come and take care of me, but I just couldn't handle seeing his face, knowing what he had done.

Instead I called my sister-in-law. We had always been friends, long before I even started dating her brother. I knew I could confide my feelings and fears to her. She'd let me vent and wouldn't judge. The fact Rosalie's husband had done the same thing as Jasper, minus anyone being pregnant, made me feel she was just the right one to talk to.

"So, where's shithead now?" she asked, bringing me a cup of hot tea and the remote. As soon as she got here and saw Jasper wasn't, nor was most of his stuff, she started in on the questions. Crying with me as I told her not only did he have an affair, but he was having a baby with her as well.

"He's staying at a hotel close to his office. He keeps texting me, asking how I'm feeling, telling me he loves me and is sorry," I spoke into my teacup.

"Well, space is good. You need time to think about your next move and Jasper needs to think about the shit he's caused. It'll be ok, Bells." She rubbed my belly as I nodded my head.

"I hope you're right, Rose. Hey, can I ask you a question?"

"Sure."

"When Emmett ...when Emmett cheated on you, how long was it before you could even be in the same room with him ...without seeing ... it?"

"I still do."

"But you forgave him?"

"It took us years, Bella. I still have my moments, but I love Emmett. I wasn't gonna give up on that. I'm not saying you should forgive Jasper. I'm just saying it can be done."

"It gets easier?" She nodded yes, taking my tea so I could rest.

I could barely make out the red numbers on the clock before I yelled out.

"Rose! Call Jasper! It's time!"

Her trademark flash of blonde hair rounded the corner, phone in hand. As she sat beside me, she helped me try to calm my breathing. "It's ok. I'm calling Jasper. You're gonna be ok. Just relax, Bella."

"Jasper? Get your fuckin' dickhead ass over here, Parker is coming! I don't give a shit about that, and I don't think your daughter does either. You better make it here in time, or she'll never forgive you!"

"What was that all about?" I asked, in between panting. Rose helped me to sit up and swing my legs over the bed before answering.

"That's Jasper being an asshole. Don't worry about it. He's meeting us at the hospital. Everything will be fine."

"Ok." I told her as she slowly helped me get dressed. Buttoning the last button on my shirt, we carefully made our way downstairs, stopping only when the pain got too bad.

A few hours later, there was still no sign of Parker or Jasper. I tried not to worry, but the closer I got to her coming, the more I feared he was going to miss it.

"Where the fuck is he?" The ice I had been chewing flew from my mouth as I spoke. Rose looked at her watch, and then at the phone in her hand. I could tell she wasn't telling me something. I just wasn't sure if I wanted to know what it was right now.

"He was stuck in a meeting. Said he'd be here as soon as he could." She placed the phone back in her pocket, moving to get me another cool cloth for my head.

"It's fucking six AM. If he misses this for some stupid meeting, I'll never forgive him. It's his fault I'm here."

"I know, Bella. Try to breathe. Stress isn't good for my niece." She tried to

give me a comforting laugh.

A few minutes later, Jasper came rushing through the door of my room, a nurse yelling behind him.

"I didn't miss anything, did I?" he asked, planting his jacket into the empty chair next to my bed.

"No, thank God, but she's almost here. You're going to be a daddy, Jasper," Rose said angrily to Jasper. He looked at me once she finished, unsure of what to do.

"Anything I can do?"

"I think you've done enough."

I stared at the tiny pink hands as they wrapped around my finger. She was perfect.

"Parker Marie Whitlock, welcome to the world. I'm your mommy, and the guy over there, is your daddy. We both love you very much, baby girl." Jasper took a careful step towards my bed, placing his hand on Parker's soft head.

"We made her, Bella."

"I know." I couldn't help but smile at him as I watched him stare in awe at the beautiful baby in my arms.

"Can I hold her?"

"Sure." I handed her to him gently, removing my arms. It was the vision I had always wanted. Somehow now though, that vision was tainted. "We need to talk, Jasper."

"Now?"

"Yes, now. Once that baby comes home, I doubt we'll have time for it." His eyes took on a sad look again as he nodded his head, rocking Parker back and forth.

"I've thought a lot about this. Don't think this is in any way a forgiveness, but we have a new baby that needs us, and it's going to take both of us to take care of her. So you can move back into the house, but you sleep in the guest room."

"I can live with that. What ...what about when Alice's baby is born?"

"You will go and be there when she's born. We'll work something out. Right now I want to focus on Parker and be happy. OK?"

"Ok."


	6. Chapter 5: Smile, It's a Party

**August 2011**

"Happy Birthday, P. What do you want to do today?" I asked my newly-turned seven year old. I couldn't believe how fast time had passed. So much had changed, yet so much was still the same. Parker was growing up, in school making friends ... happy. She had a mom who loved her, made sure life sailed smoothly, and a dad who worshiped her and spoiled her rotten.

"I want a day with you and Daddy ... please."

"P, I dunno, your dad is probably busy today. How about you and I do something today, then when your dad gets you on Thursday, you can do something with him?"

"But I wanna do something with both of you. Please, Mom?"

"Ok, alright. Let me call your dad." I sighed as I reached for the phone. I was sure I wasn't gonna like this. After the talk I had had with Jasper the last time he had dropped Parker off, we had gone back to silent stares whenever he picked her up or dropped her off.

"Hello?"

"Jasper ... umm ... fuck ... it's your daughter's birthday today. I asked her what she wanted to do and she said she wanted to do something with both of us, you busy?"

"No, I can do that. What time?"

"One? Bring a gift."

"I'll be there." With that, the line clicked signaling he had hung up.

Shortly after our divorce, trying to balance two kids, Jasper took a job at another firm in a higher position. It meant more money and less hours spent away. It was a small glimpse of the Jasper I had once fell in love with.

"Your dad said he'd love to come. You sure you want to just hang out with me and your dad? You can have a party, have some school friends over." I told her, slightly begging her to change her mind.

"No Mommy, I get to see all my friends at school. I never get to be with you and daddy at the same time, this is what I want."

My heart broke as I looked into her wise-beyond-her-years face. I felt awful. All she wanted for her birthday was her mom and dad together in the same place, and I was upset because it meant being around Jasper. I told myself then and there I was going to make an effort, for P's sake, to be civil to Jasper.

A few hours later, the familiar roar of Jasper's beat up old black truck made its way into the driveway. Parker didn't wait for it to fully stop before flying out to greet her dad. He climbed out with an arm full of gifts, shutting the door with his foot.

"Help me set this stuff down, and I'll give you a big hug." He told Parker, blindly walking into the house.

"A gift Jasper, not the whole freakin' toy store." I sighed, helping him put the bags and boxes on the table.

"I couldn't help myself, you only turn seven once."

"You're spoiling her, Jazz."

"So, I don't get to see her that much, let me have this."

"Whatever."

"So what are we doing today, kiddo?" He asked her, leaning down to finally give her a bear hug.

"Can we go to Play Land?" Jasper looked up at me, as if asking me if we could or not.

"It's your day, baby. We can go wherever you want."

That was all it took for her to go running up the stairs to get ready, Jasper standing awkwardly next to me as we watched her.

"That kid is something else, Bells."

"Yeah, she is. She takes after you, ya know."

"How so?"

"Well, for one, she looks just like you and second, that kid is so stubborn. I asked her if she wanted a party with her friends and she picked us, Jasper. A day with mom and dad."

"Hmm."

"How are we gonna explain this to her? She's gonna start having questions soon."

"Explain what?"

"Well for one, Mattie. She's gonna wanna know why Mattie's mom is Alice, and her mom is me. She'll wanna know why dad only sees her a few days a week and doesn't live with us. God, Jasper, how can I explain anything to her when I don't even know myself?"

"We'll figure it out." Jasper started to put his arm around me before thinking better of it and placing it back at his side. I missed the warmth from Jasper's touch, how all he had to do was hold me and my world would calm. Jasper had always been my safe place, how quickly that had changed as well.

"Ready to open your gifts, P?"

"Yep!" Parker was almost bouncing out of her seat as Jasper and I stacked gift after gift in front of her on the table. We had spent almost four hours at Play Land, running around playing games and eating junk food. It had been a really great day. I was even having fun around Jasper again. We had laughed and joked with each other. It felt normal.

"Ok, this one's from your dad." I said as I handed her the biggest box off the table. It was wrapped in bright orange paper with blue stars all over it. Parker wasted no time in ripping apart the paper and lifting the lid on the box, pulling out a small orange laptop and matching web-cam.

I couldn't believe Jasper would get her such a big gift without asking me first. I tried hard not to let it spoil our day when I saw the look on her face.

"It's a laptop, Mommy!" She beamed, hugging her dad around the neck and reaching for the next gift.

"It's so when I'm at my house, I can still be with you when you're at yours." I could have sworn I saw Jasper's eyes start to tear up as he explained it to her.

"Thank you, Daddy. I love it. Can we try it out tonight?"

"If it's ok with your mom."

"Yeah, it's ok. Your dad will have to help you set it up though, since it's his gift."

"Thanks, Mommy."

"Ok, next gift, this is from Mommy." Me and Jasper traded off giving her gifts 'til everything was opened and properly played with. Once everything had been loaded into my car, I went back in to see Parker sound asleep with her head on Jasper's lap. He was stroking her hair and softly singing to her. It was a song he had always sung to me as we would lay in bed after having made love.

I was instantly taken back to all those good times with Jasper, sad he had to be the one that made them end. I stood there watching him, so lost in the moment with Parker. It was almost hard to watch. As he brought his hand up to move his own hair from his face, I caught the faint outline of his tattoo. It was of a newborn Parker's hand print with her name in a soft scroll beside it.

I placed my hand over my hip, over my own Parker tattoo. Mine was like Jasper's, but instead it was her foot. We had gotten them shortly after she was born. It was in one of the calmer moments of our marriage, after the affair. One time when Parker was upset Jasper had to leave again, we had shown them to her in hopes she'd know we always loved her even when we couldn't be with her.

At the time, it had worked, but as she got older and closer to her dad, finding things to calm those moments was getting harder and harder. I was terrified one day she'd want to live with him instead.

Feeling me behind him, Jasper turned his head towards me, still singing softly.

"She loves you so much, Jasper." I told him, making my way over to him.

"I know she does. I love her very much too."

"Don't break her heart." I told him softly, placing my hand on his shoulder. It was an act of truce, that I could try to be his friend, but nothing more.

"We still talking about Parker?" He stopped singing and looked into my eyes.

"I'm talking about everything." He nodded in understanding and gently moved Parker's head off his lap so he could help me clean up before we left.

We fell into a comfortable silence. He'd hand me trash as I put it in bags, as I tossed cans back at him to place in his bag. It was another moment of "like old times" for me that day. A bittersweet feeling I was scared to let myself get too deep into for fear of the pain I'd feel later.

We had been working like that for almost an hour when I felt him behind me, his hand resting on the small of my back as he leaned into me.

"Thank you for including me today, Bells. This was really nice."

"You're welcome, but you should be thanking P. It was her birthday wish."

"I will when she wakes up." I smiled as I turned around, and for the first time in a long time, I felt like giving him a hug. I wrapped my arms around him, feeling him pull me closer. I pulled away quickly, but not before his hands stalled me in place. He leaned into me slowly as his lips almost met mine. Before he could actually kiss me, Parker woke up calling for me.

"Mommy? ... Mommy?"

"I'm right here, baby. What's the matter?"

"I don't feel good, I feel hot."

"You may have just had to much sugar, P." I told her, feeling her head. She was warm, warmer than normal.

"She is warm, Jasper. I'm gonna take her home."

"I'll come with you." He told me, following me out the door to our cars.

"You don't have to do that, I can handle it. I'll call you if we need anything."

"No, I want to be there for her. Let me go home and grab some clothes, and I'll be right over." Not in the mood to argue with him right then, I nodded my head and fastened P into the car.

"I'll see you at the house."


	7. Chapter 6: Alice, Part Two

**March 2005**

Eight months after bringing Parker home from the hospital, life with Jasper was starting to get back to normal, as normal as it can be with a new baby and no sleep. I had begun to come to terms with the affair Even though Jasper wasn't forgiven, it was a start. In fact, with taking care of Parker, everything with Alice had all but left my mind.

That was until a certain phone call came late one night. I had just put Parker into her crib and was turning off her light, when I heard Jasper speaking in a hushed voice.

"How far apart are they? ... It's ok, Alice, just relax ... I'm on my way ... I know, I can't wait to meet her either." I heard Jasper making his way upstairs after hanging up the phone. I was still standing in the doorway of the baby's room when he found me.

"That was Alice. Her water broke. I need to go to the hospital. I'm staying with her 'til she and the baby come home, ok? I'll call and check in on you and Parker when I can. I love you," he kissed my cheek as he made his way to leave.

"Ok ... be careful driving, it's really foggy out."

"I will, don't worry." My eyes began to prick with tears as I heard the door shut. I thought back to when Parker had been born. Jasper had almost missed it, yet he couldn't seem to leave fast enough when Alice had called.

It would never be fair, Jasper's time would always be split between me and Alice. I hated him for that. He had caused this for all of us. No matter how hard I tried, it was never going to be the same. We couldn't go back.

That night was the first night in almost eight months I cried myself to sleep. I just wasn't sure who I was crying for.

I was rocking Parker back to sleep when Jasper's truck pulled into the yard. He was carrying a few deflated yellow balloons as he shut the driver's door.

"Shh, I just got her to sleep." I whispered, Parker starting to fuss again.

"Sorry."

"It's fine, she'll go back to sleep in a bit. How's Alice doing?"

"She's great. She and Mattie are home now, resting. She had some family come stay with her for a while, so ..."

"It was a girl?" I couldn't hide the hurt in my voice as I asked. Two girls. Jasper now had two baby girls. How wonderful for him.

"Matalin Grace Whitlock. Mattie for short." I couldn't speak. All I could do was nod my head. He had given her his last name. It fit, he had already given Alice everything else, why not that too.

I waited for myself to be angry, to feel .._. something_. I didn't. I waited, but it never came. All I truly felt now was tired. I was tired of him hurting me and trying to have answers to my questions. I was tired of everything.

"Parker's asleep again. I'm going to go lay down myself ... umm, I guess you get a congrats now. So, congratulations, Jasper."

"Well, little girl," I said, looking down at a giggling Parker, "it's just us girls tonight, Daddy's spending time with his other family."

This was how a lot of nights went. Jasper would come home from work, spend a few hours singing or playing with Parker, then head over to Alice's for the weekend. I was then left to take care of everything else after she woke up again.

A bittersweet feeling settled in my heart watching Jasper holding Parker in her rocker, singing her to sleep before leaving. I wondered sometimes if he did the same thing with Mattie. I wanted to believe this was something special just with Parker, but a gut feeling told me it wasn't.

I was driving myself crazy trying to make it all work. My marriage to Jasper had been broken long before Alice. There never would have been an Alice, if it hadn't been. I was with Jasper now because of Parker. Pretty soon Parker was going to be a year old. It was those thoughts that had kept me from totally falling apart.

**August 2005**

"Can you believe she's one today?" Rose asked as we cleaned up the mess of birthday paper.

"I can't believe a lot of things, Rose."

"Jasper still spending the weekend with her?" I nodded, both of us knowing who 'her' was.

"Hardly ever misses it. If I tell you something, it stays between us, yes?"

"Of course."

"I went to a lawyer last week. I got the papers drawn up. I'm asking Jasper for a divorce."

"Really?"

"I can't do it anymore. It's like we are already divorced sometimes."

"I don't know what to say, Bella."

"Say you'll take P tonight for me so I can talk to Jasper."

"Sure, Bells."

"Thanks." I leaned in to hug her. No matter what, I would always have Rose.

"Jasper, can we talk?"

"Yeah."

"I'm not sure how I should go about this. The rule book got tossed a long time ago. This, you and me, it's over. I tried, I really did. It's not working."

"What are you saying?"

"I started the paperwork for a divorce. I love you, but we can't do this anymore."

"I figured. There's nothing I can do to change your mind is there?" I shook my head no.

"If this is what you want then."

"It is."


	8. Chapter 7: Things You Forget

**August 2011**

Jasper was true to his word. He was knocking on my door thirty minutes after we had left the restaurant.

"I brought my overnight bag." He held it up in front of him as he moved past me into the house.

"You don't have to do this, Jasper. It's just a small fever. She'll be fine."

"Like I told you, I want to. I've missed out on a lot of things over the years. I can't take them back. I can however, do this."

"Fine. Guest room's down the hall. I'll go get you an extra pillow."

Jasper had missed more than just a few things. He had missed everything; her first words, the first time she tried to walk. I remember holding her hand as she cried when her first tooth fell out. None of those moments could be redone, and he had missed them all.

A soft cry brought me out of my memory. I was almost to her room when Jasper stopped me.

"Let me?"

"Go for it."

"Thank you." I watched him as he leaned over her bed, gently taking her into his arms.

"It's ok, baby. Daddy's here."

"I had a bad dream."

"Want to tell me about it?"

"Ok." I heard her sniffle before she continued. "Mommy was yelling at you. She told you she hated you, that you had to leave and you couldn't come back. I don't want you to go away!" She started to cry again as Jasper pulled her in closer to him.

"I'm not going anywhere, baby. Ok?"

"But she was really mad at you. She said you hurt her. Why would you want to hurt Mommy?" Jasper's eyes flashed to me for help. I didn't know she had ever been listening to us talk. Parker was a smart kid, of course she'd dream about the things she heard us talking about.

"That's some dream. I would never hurt your mommy, baby."

"But I heard you guys talking the other night. "

"Baby, your dad didn't hurt me. He just made me a little sad. Everything's ok now." I told her as I walked into the room to lean down next to them

"Is that why Daddy doesn't live with us?"

"It's part of the reason. Why don't you go back to sleep and we can talk about it tomorrow. Your dad's gonna stay here 'til you feel better." Jasper tucked her back in. We had almost made it to the door when Parker spoke again.

"Daddy?"

"Yes, baby?"

"Will you stay in here with me tonight?"

"Sure baby, let me go get my pillow." I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself and will the tears away from my eyes. I knew Parker missed having her dad around, and it killed me to see just how much it had affected her.

To his credit, Jasper was trying. My proof was the determined look on his face as he went back into Parker's room armed with a pillow and blanket, making a bed for himself on the floor.

The next morning I heard soft giggles coming from Parker's room, rounding the corner I found out why. Jasper was sound asleep on her floor, her pink comforter thrown down over him. He was snoring softly, the left side of his mouth forming a pout. However, this was not the reason for the giggling.

Parker had placed tiny pink and blue sparkle hair clips into his curly blonde hair. The rest of his hair was pulled into a high ponytail atop his head.

I couldn't help myself. Seeing Jasper sleeping, blissfully unaware of what his daughter had done, I burst out into my own fit of giggles, waking Jasper in the process. He sat up staring at me and Parker, trying to find out what was so funny. He lifted his hand up to scratch his head, making us laugh that much harder. An amused smirk crossed his face.

"You think this is funny, P? You getting me back for my lopsided pigtails?" He teased, getting up to chase her downstairs.

"OK kids, settle down. How are you feelin' today, P?" I asked when they calmed down and sat at the table.

"Much better thanks to Daddy."

"What did Daddy do?"

"I woke up again with another nightmare. He got his guitar and sang me back to sleep. He also made me soup."

"I didn't see you bring your guitar?"

"I keep it in my truck." He looked so proud that he had successfully taken care of her on his own. It made me feel good, too. I liked seeing them together. That bittersweet feeling was starting to get bigger. I was really starting to miss him being around.

Jasper stayed through breakfast and into lunch. Parker had gone back upstairs after lunch for a nap. I was cleaning up the kitchen when I felt Jasper's hand on my arm.

"Bella, I'm sorry about the other night. I know we're not ready yet."

"You referring to trying to kiss me or begging me to take you back?"

"Umm, both I guess." he snorted. "Though I did mean it ... what I said. I meant the kiss, too. I just don't want to rush you."

"Well, thank you, but you're not rushing me. I meant what I said, too. We are over, very over."

"You don't miss me?"

"Of course I miss you. Being around you like this, seeing you with P, taking care of her, being a dad to her, it's killin' me, but my answer is still no."

"I didn't ask you anything."

"I know you, Jasper." We stood in the kitchen, unsure of our next move.

Jasper's eyes darted to the clock on the wall. I saw the look on his face. He looked torn.

"Shit, I was supposed to get Mattie two hours ago. I don't wanna leave without saying bye to P."

"I'll tell her you had to go, but said bye." I told him, as he collected his bag and guitar.

"Tell I love her?"

"Yes."

"Thank you."

"Go, don't keep Mattie waiting."

"Bye."

I leaned against the door as soon as it clicked behind him. _Fuck, what was I gonna do?_


	9. Chapter 8: First Time

**November 2005**

The divorce had been officially finalized for five months today. It was also Jasper's first day taking Parker by himself for the weekend. I was nervous. I had never been away from her this long since she had been born. I knew Jasper was a wonderful father, but Parker had just turned one.

I was packing up some of Parker's baby things in her baby bag, making sure I had everything Jasper needed. Still trying not to think about my baby being gone a whole weekend from me, I had placed the last bottle in her bag when I heard Jasper knock.

"I'm comin'!" I called down the stairs, scooping up Parker in the process.

"Morning, Jasper."

"She ready?"

"Yep, all set. You sure you can do the whole weekend? I can come get her if it gets to be too much."

"We'll be fine. Won't we, P?" He asked, tickling her belly. She made a few giggling noises and reached for Jasper.

"She's just starting to walk, so make sure there's nothing she can hurt herself on."

"Bella ... it'll be ok. I can handle it. I have taken care of her before you know."

"Not alone."

"She'll be fine. I promise." I sighed and handed over the rest of her things to him, watching as he fastened her into her car seat and drove off. A single tear rolled down my face.

After Jasper had left with Parker, the weekend seemed to drag on for weeks. It occurred to me I would now be doing this with Jasper until Parker was at least eighteen. She would forever be tossed between houses; a week with me, a weekend with her dad, rotating around the days as she got older.

I had cleaned the whole upstairs, done the laundry, and was finishing up the kitchen when Jasper pulled in. Parker was wide awake, talking gibberish as Jasper bounced her on his hip.

"We walked all the way from the coffee table to the sofa yesterday." Jasper was beaming with pride as he told me the rest of her walking adventures after I had let him in while I took Parker's things.

"I hate to break it to you, those weren't her first steps."

"Still, I got to see her walk, and she did it all on her own."

"I'm glad. How was the rest of your weekend?"

"We played peek-a-boo and I sang to her. Thank you for letting me to take her for the weekend."

"You're welcome."

"I'll see you next weekend."

"Ok."With that, Jasper headed back to his truck. I was trying to be nice; keep my thoughts to myself. It just wasn't going to be easy. It shouldn't have had to be like this.

A few weeks later, Jasper was back at my door to pick her up again. I was starting to get used to having to trade her off every weekend. It was still hard but I was coming around. I still wasn't able to be nice to Jasper yet.

"I got it, Bella. You've told me all this before."

"I worry, ok? She's my baby."

"She's my baby too. I don't have this much trouble when I get Mattie from Alice." I felt my heart stop a beat as Parker babbled in Jasper's arms.

"Well, I'm sure when Mattie starts walking, she'll be like me."

"Maybe."

I was still in tears the following Monday when Jasper dropped Parker off. I hung up the phone to answer the door, the news from my call still playing in my head.

"What's wrong, Bella? Why are you crying?" Jasper asked me as he handed Parker to me and setting down her things. I wasn't sure why I was asking Jasper this, but I knew I wouldn't be able to handle making all the arrangements, deal with my mother, and still make sure Parker was taken care of.

"Uh ... Jasper, can you keep P a few extra days?"

"I guess so, why?"

"My dad ... my dad died."


	10. Chapter 9: One Of Those Days

**September 2011**

My day had been going relatively well. Jasper had dropped Parker off a day early so she would be ready for school the next day. He did, however, promise her he'd be by to take her to school in the morning.

I had taken her the year before, so I figured I could relent and let the two of them have this year. Parker had been so excited the week before as we shopped for school supplies, I was told before we had even left the house she wanted Daddy to take her clothes shopping.

I wondered for a few minutes why she wanted her dad to have the task of picking out school clothes. It wasn't like he had the best taste in clothes for himself, let alone a seven year old girl. I reminded myself quickly, with Jasper doing it, I would be spared the temper tantrum.

I had been getting ready to start dinner when I heard a crash followed by loud crying coming from upstairs. I put my knife down and ran upstairs to find Parker holding her arm by the side of her bed and Monkey licking her face as she cried.

"Monkey, go get your ball!" I called to him so he would leave and I could check on Parker. Monkey was still a puppy and was very protective of Parker. Ironically enough, the only one he wouldn't growl at when they were next to P was Jasper.

"P? What happened, baby? Did you hurt yourself?"

"I think I hurt my arm. It really hurts."

"Ok, can Mommy look?"

"Yeah." She scooted closer to me. As I knelt down beside her, I reached out to look at her arm, seeing it was already beginning to swell and bruise.

"Now tell Mommy what happened, please."

"I was playing with Monkey, chasing him around the bed. I went to go over my bed and tripped over him."

"How many times have I told you not to do that, that'd you get hurt?"

"Sorry, Mommy."

"It looks like you may have sprained it. Let's get you to the hospital. Great start to the new school year, huh?" I teased her, wiping her tears and helping her to my car.

I waited until I knew the verdict of Parker's arm before I called Jasper. There was no need to worry him if it was nothing. Of course it would turn out she had broken her arm when she fell. I held Parker's good hand, calling Jasper as they casted the other.

"Hello? Bella?"

"You don't need to come over or anything, I just wanted to let you know, P had a little mishap. She's fine, but she did break her arm."

"Like Hell I don't need to come over, she's my daughter too, Bells."

"Jasper, let's not get into this again, not now."

"Let me talk to P." I handed Parker the phone, letting her know it was her dad.

"Daddy? ... No, I'm ok ... You can come over ... Ok, here's Mommy."

"Yes?"

"I'm spending the night again so I can take P to school."

"Fine." I sighed as I was hanging up. This had been such a good day.

After getting home from the hospital, Parker went back to play with Monkey, careful not to injure her arm. I made my way to start dinner again when I heard someone talking in the door way.

"Smells good, Bells."

"It's tuna noodle casserole. It's P's favorite."

"It's mine too."

"That's right, it is. That must be where she gets it from. So, I take it you're here to spend the night?"

"I said I was."

"I know ... you … just haven't always ... done things you said you were. Still getting used to it I guess."

"I told you, I'm not that guy anymore."

"So I'm seeing."

Jasper had sang to and tucked Parker in, turned out her light and headed back down stairs, sitting next to me on the couch.

"This is nice."

"What is?"

"Being here, being a family." I nodded, getting lost in memories.

"Bella?"

"Hmm?"

"Would you ... ever ... be able to rethink us?"

"I don't know. This past year has been so weird for me, with you. I think it's still too late, Jasper."

"I told you, I haven't been with Alice since Mattie was born, but I haven't been with anybody else either. And I'm not seeing anyone now. I just wanted you to know."

"Thank you. It's getting late. We should go to bed. You have to take someone to school tomorrow." I teased, trying to lighten the mood as we both got up to head off to our rooms for the night.

"Don't remind me. I dunno why I agreed to take her."

"Cause you love her."

"Right."


	11. Chapter 10: All Of My Memories

**November 2005**

Parker was sleeping soundly beside me as I flipped through my high school yearbook. I came across a picture of Jasper. It was a black and white photo, but I could still remember how blonde his hair had been. I found my picture beside his. We were sorted by grade ranking instead of last name, so of course Jasper and I would be in the top two spots.

I continued to stare at our pictures, remembering that day like it was yesterday. I had just gotten my braces off and was still getting used to feeling my teeth without metal. Jasper was beyond thrilled I wouldn't cut his lip anymore when we kissed.

_It was our senior year. We had been dating since Jasper had moved here in the eighth grade. I was so excited thinking about our plans for after graduation, I didn't see Jasper running his hand through his hair in a nervous tick._

"What's wrong with you?"

"Thinkin'."

"'Bout?"

"Us."

"What about us, Jasper?"

"Well, school's gonna be done soon and then college. I don't want to lose you."

"You won't. We're goin' to the same school, 'member?"

"That's not what I mean. Shit Bella, I wanted to be more romantic about this. I'm so in love with you. I want us to be together forever and not just carve our names in a tree forever. I mean like married forever. I wanna have babies and grow old and ... just everything ... with you. Marry me, Bella?"

"_Oh my God, Jasper! I love you, too! Yes ... I'll marry you."_

"You will?"  
"Why wouldn't I? You're all I want."

"So, we're gonna do this? We're gonna get married?" He asked me, swinging me around off the bench we had been sitting on. I waited 'til he had put me down to speak again.

"I think we are. One thing though, we have to tell my dad."

"Your dad likes me, shouldn't be hard."

"Yes but, we're only eighteen Jasper, and still, for a few more months, seniors in high school. He's gonna think you knocked me up." I saw Jasper start to laugh, then realized I was right and clamped his mouth shut.

A few days after asking me to marry him, we told my dad. It went a lot smoother than I thought and we soon made our rounds to my mom then his. Everyone was so happy for us, telling us we had made such a cute couple in high school they just knew we'd have a great life together after we got married.

If they only knew ten years later I'd be divorced with a sleeping baby, maybe someone would have talked me out of saying yes.

It wasn't long after telling our families that we started making wedding plans. We didn't want to wait too long after graduation, so it was set for the second week in December. The months leading up to and after graduation were a blur of frantic calls and planning.

I had dress fittings and halls to look at. A bachelorette party and a graduation open house to plan as well. My mom had flown in from Arizona to Washington to help plan and be here for me. Even my dad had tried to get involved.

I had never been so happy and couldn't wait to graduate so I could be Mrs. Jasper Whitlock. Time seemed to be moving so slowly. The night before graduation, Jasper came over to hang out for a bit before the craziness started the next day. It would also be one of the last times we would be together as just high school boyfriend and girlfriend.

_"Tomorrow's the start of the rest of our lives, Bells."  
"I know. I can't wait."_

"You nervous?"

"About what?"

"Getting married."

"No, are you?"

"Not one bit. As long as it's you I'm marrying and have by my side, I can never go wrong."

"I love you so much, Jasper."

"I love you so much, too, Bella. Thank you for being mine."

"I don't want to be anyone else's."

I closed the book as a new wave of fat angry tears ran down my face. Parker started to fuss at my crying. I picked her up to rock her back to sleep, still remembering just how good our lives had been.


	12. Chapter 11:Maybe

**December 2011**

It was a few weeks before Christmas, Parker's cast would be coming off the day before Valentine's day. Everyone was getting excited for it to be off, and she was running out of space for people to sign.

I had gotten most of my Christmas shopping done online, and was waiting for Jasper to take Parker next so I could finish the rest.

I had even broken down and got something for Jasper. It had been decided he would spend Christmas day with Parker and me, then head over to pick up Mattie and have Christmas with her. New Year's was still up in the air, since Jasper had to find out what Alice was doing too, but I had faith it would all work out.

I was looking at the calendar, marking off how many day left 'til Santa came for Parker, when I noticed the date. December 10, 2011, yesterday would have been Jasper and I's seventeenth wedding anniversary.

The first few years after we divorced, that day would hang over my head with a painful reminder of what had been, but as the years went on and P got older, I had all but forgotten it unless I saw the date.

I wondered for a moment if Jasper would have remembered what yesterday was, then laughed at myself for thinking it. He hadn't remembered the day when we were married, not a chance he would now.

Continuing to mark off the days on the calendar, I shook off the heavy feeling that little reminder and memory had left me with. I had too much to do to get lost in my thoughts.

Jasper had come for Parker a few hours early, so I was free to get more of a head start to my shopping.

I was making another sweep through the toy store in search of the perfect gift for Parker, when I spotted a mess of black hair on a small pixie like frame. She was talking softly to someone in her cart, trying to calm down their temper tantrum.

I paused, frozen in the aisle not sure what to do. This was the closest I had ever been to Alice since the day Jasper had her in the car when he came for Parker.

Steeling my nerves, I walked up and tapped her shoulder, her face telling me right away she knew who I was.

"You're Alice, right?"

"Yes, Bella? Oh my, God ... um ... hi."

"Hi... Hi, Mattie."

"Hi, Bella." Mattie replied quickly, turning back to the toy in her mother's hand.

"So, how are you?"

"I'm good. Jasper took Parker for the day so I could shop."

"Yeah, I know. I called him to see if he'd take Mattie, but he said he was having a father daughter day with Parker, soo ..." She gestured to the cart with her head.

"Oh, I know how that goes."

"Hey, I know this may seem kind of forward of me, and you can say no, I'll understand. But would you like to grab some coffee? Talk?"

"Uh ... I guess we can, just never thought I'd ever ..." I waved my hand between us. Alice nodded her head in understanding.

" Me either."

I finished my Christmas list, and left to meet Alice at the mall food court. I still didn't have the right words to describe how I felt about meeting her, but a part of me wanted to hear what she had to say. I had only ever heard Jasper's side of the story, and at the time, I wasn't really in the mood to even hear him. I needed this.

"Sorry I'm late, Mattie wanted every toy in the store."

"It's fine, just checking my work email." I waved my Blackberry in the air as I answered her.

" I just want to get this out of the way now. I am so sorry for everything, Bella."

"Thank you. Can I ask you something?" I waited for her to finish chewing before I asked.

"Did you ... know he was married?"

"Not at first. When I first started at the firm, I didn't really know anybody. I started dating one of the other lawyers there, and that's how I got to know Jasper. When I broke up with him, I went to Jasper for advice. The affair started shortly after that. Jasper told me he was married after I had kissed him one day, I guess I was too young to care about that then."

"And Mattie?"

"Mattie was a surprise." She let out a small laugh, and continued. "I thought we were being so careful. I had been on the pill, and Jasper made sure we had other protection too. However, one night after a work party, we were both a little tipsy and weren't as careful. Enter Mattie."

""Did you know I was pregnant?"

"Jasper came to me to try and break off the affair, he told me he was gonna be a dad, that he wanted to spend some time with his wife. We tried to break it off, but it was hard since we still worked together."

"Then you got pregnant, too."

"Yeah. I swear once I got pregnant, it stopped."

"Why then?"

"I left the firm. I didn't want to keep putting Jasper in a spot where he had to be reminded of us, what we had done. What we did to you."

"So, that was it?"

"That was it."

Our conversation drifted off from the affair, and we started to talk like old friends. As much I wanted to, I couldn't hate Alice, at least I didn't hate her anymore. She was a young, single mom trying to make the best of it. I was telling her about how Jasper was with Parker, when her eyes cast a sad glance at me.

"You know, you're all he ever talks about anymore."

"He talks to you about me?"

"Not like conversations, no. He asks for advice. We are still friends, Bella."

"Of course you are, you guys have Mattie together."

"He loves you, Bella. I don't think either one of us knew how big of a mistake we had made 'til you asked him for a divorce."

"Well, like I told him, it's too late. We can't go back."

I got home that night, still replaying my conversation with Alice in my head. I knew Jasper had said there was nothing going on, but hearing it from Alice too, gave me a whole new light on Jasper. Maybe he really was trying. I had to hold to my word though, I couldn't forgive Jasper for what he had done, it was too late.

It was late Sunday night when Jasper dropped Parker off, I invited him in as Parker flew off to her room to play with Monkey.

"So, I met Alice."

"Really? Where?"

"Mall toy store. We had a nice chat about everything."

"And?"

"And nothing, I just thought you should know."

"Oh. Well, thanks."

"The roads are getting bad, I need to be going soon."

"I understand." Before I could say anything more, Jasper was leaning in to kiss me. I was too shocked to try and stop him, as I let him walk me backwards into the house, kicking the front door with his foot. I felt Jasper's hand sliding up my shirt, his hand felt so good against my skin.

I felt the back of my legs hit the couch, as Jasper softly laid me down on it, crawling over me. I felt his tongue pressing at my lips, and I opened my mouth to let him in, just as Jasper pulled away panting.

"I'm so sorry. You told me enough times it's not gonna happen. I dunno what came over me. Again, I'm very sorry. I'm gonna go. I'll see you Thursday."

I nodded as he stood and made his way out the door. I had for so long been set on not forgiving him and letting him back into my life. I had even told Alice as much. So why did I not only let him make out with me, but am finding myself actually wanting him back?

Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to let him back in.


	13. Chapter 12:Like Ripping Off a Band-Aid

**December 2005**

Life had settled into a routine. Jasper came Friday night for Parker and brought her back Monday. I would take her to daycare on Tuesday before work and finish out my week the same way 'til Friday.

However, a few months into this new schedule, Jasper asked if, on Friday when he came to pick her up, we could talk. With everything that had happened since finding out about the affair, Jasper had yet to really explain how it happened.

I figured I could at least give him a chance to explain his side. Not that it would make much difference now, but I'd let him anyway.

It occurred to me as I was changing Parker into her outfit for the day, what today was and wondered if Jasper had planned to tell me his reasoning today on purpose. It would have been eleven years ago today, we said 'I do'. I wiped a tear away, tickled Parker's belly and snapped her onsie shut.

"Did you know, P, we waited ten years for you? You were a very wanted baby, but I guess daddy got tired of waiting and went and had a baby with someone else."

"That doesn't make you any less wanted though. Mommy loves you very much."

I continued venting in baby talk to Parker as we made our way downstairs to wait for Jasper. I sat holding P in one hand, looking at our old wedding album with the other.

"That's your Aunt Rose and Uncle Emmett. They hadn't gotten married yet when this picture was taken. But if Mommy remembers right, I think he had asked her."

I flipped a few more pages, giving Parker commentary on some of the pictures on the pages. She would look at them and then back at me if I didn't give more commentary to a certain picture.

"This one's right before your dad shoved cake in my face. I had been looking at the camera and didn't see it coming. I got him back though." I told her, pointing to the next picture of Jasper staring at me with cake in his face and hair.

I showed her a few more pages before the knock at the door brought me out of my memory.

"I'll show you later, baby. Time to go have a talk with your daddy right now." I finished as I opened the door.

"Hey, Bells. P!" Jasper reached to take her, making a funny face as she giggled.

"How are you?"

"Been better."

"Me too. So let's get this talk over with, shall we?"

"Yeah."

I lead Jasper into the living room. He sat down on the couch, Parker still in his lap, and waited for me to shut the door and join them.

"So, where do you want me to start?"

"I know most of the beginning, how about why the affair started?"

"You really want to know this?" I nodded, waiting for him to continue.

"Ok. I didn't mean to cheat on you. I want to get that said right away."

"The affair?"

"Alice was upset. Her boyfriend had broken up with her and she wanted my advice. You and I had been fighting a lot and I was getting frustrated. We hadn't been having sex since we had been having such a hard time getting pregnant."

"So, it was about sex then?"

"No."

"Don't try to protect me, Jasper. It's too late for that. I want the truth."

"Ok. Yes, it was about the sex. With Alice there was no worry about making sure we did it during the right time or fighting when it hadn't worked. I was so in love with you and sex had always meant so much between us, but with her ... with Alice, it was just sex."

"And the rest?"

"When you told me you were pregnant," he paused, looking down at Parker sleeping in his arms, "that we were gonna have Parker, I didn't know what to think. I was so happy we had finally got what we had been trying so hard for, but somehow it just didn't feel enough. That the timing was off or something."

"Parker or Alice?"

"Both. Don't get me wrong, I'm so glad we have Parker and I wouldn't change having her for anything."

"You just didn't think she'd ever happen?"

"Yeah. I told Alice you were pregnant and we should stop the affair before it got too far in. She agreed and for a while we didn't do anything."

"But?"

"Seeing her around the office, you being pregnant and not in the mood to so much as see my face, let alone anything more, I slipped. We had gone to an office party at work and were both beyond drunk. We wound up sleeping together again and then ..."

"She got pregnant, too?" Jasper nodded, his eyes filling with tears. I sat there staring at him, an eerie calm washing over me as he told me everything.

"Is there more?"

"No, that's everything."

"Well then, you need to get going. You're cutting into your time with Parker. I'll see you Monday."


	14. Chapter 13: You Loose

**February 2012**

Today was the day Parker got her cast off and I was going to tell Jasper I wanted to try again. Since the kiss on my couch, Jasper hadn't tried anything again. I was glad he was letting me have my space, but I curious as to why he seemed to have just given up.

Jasper was going to meet us for ice cream at the park after we got P's cast off. She had been in rare form the whole day now that it was finally time to get rid of it. I picked Parker up from school a few hours early, making our way to the doctor's office. Parker was rambling about what ice cream flavor she wanted as I parked.

"Ok, this might feel a little weird as he's taking it off, but it shouldn't hurt."

"I'm not scared, Mommy. Daddy already told me all about what would happen."

"He did?"

"He told me he had broken him arm once too and I had nothing to worry about."

"Well, ok then, you ready?"

"Yep!"

We sat in the waiting room for them to call our names. I was trying to remember how exactly it was Jasper had broken his arm. Knowing us, it was mostly likely my fault. I was forever clumsy and nine times outta ten took Jasper down with me.

"Bella Whitlock, Parker Whitlock, the doctor's ready."

"It's Swan now. I went back to my maiden name. She's," I pointed to Parker. "still Whitlock though."

"Sorry about that. I'll make a note in her file."

Getting Parker's cast off turned out to be a lot scarier for me than it was for P. I held her hand as they cut the cast off, trying not to damage it so we could take it home. Parker was still playing with her arm when we saw Jasper sitting on one of the swings waiting for us.

"God this brings back memories." I laughed as we finally reached Jasper.

Parker flopped down on Jasper's lap on the swing.

"Yeah, it does. Remember I told you I loved you by that slide over there."

"You did. I forgot about that. We had our first kiss there too."

"No, our first kiss was by that old oak tree. The first time you slapped me was the slide." Jasper smiled as he started swinging him and Parker into the air.

"You're right. God, that was forever ago."

"I know. We were so young then."

"Anyway, how's the arm, P?"

"Doctor said I can still try out for softball in the summer."

"That's great. Want me to teach you how to pitch?"

"Please."

"You got it. You and me this summer, ok? I'll teach you everything I know."

"Ok, Daddy. Mommy, can I go play by myself?"

"Sure, but be careful. You just got the cast off."

"I need to talk to you, Jasper."

"About?"

"Umm ... a few months ago, the kiss … us."

"Oh, yeah. Again, I'm sorry about that. Heat of the moment I guess."

"Well, I've been thinking about it and ..." Jasper held his hand up to stop me.

"I know what you're gonna say, Bella. It's too late. I get it. I actually have news I wanted to talk to you about too."

"Ok?"

"I wanted to tell you first before I told P."

"What?"

"I asked Alice to marry me. I'm wasting my time trying to make you forgive me. I know I fucked up and I'll never be able to forgive myself for that. I know you can't either and you're right, it's not fair. Since I can't make it right with you, I can at least make it right with her."

"I take it she said yes?"

"Wedding's gonna be in July. I would like it if Parker could come, please."

"You're getting married?"

"'Bout time I moved on don't ya think?" Jasper teased. I stood there, fighting back tears as he calmly asked if Parker could be at his wedding ... to Alice.

"Yeah, I guess. I'll have to think about it ... letting P go. I have to ask her."

"That's why I wanted to tell you first. I didn't know how to tell her."

"We'll figure it out."

"Thanks, Bells. Oh, what was it you were gonna tell me? What had you been thinking about?"

"Oh, it's not important."

"If you say so."

_Fuck._


	15. Chapter 14: I Do, You Don't

**December 2005**

After telling me the details of the affair, Jasper took Parker for his weekend, leaving me alone with our wedding album. I had been looking at it with P before he came and went back to finish the pages I had left.

The first photo I came to after picking the book back up, was a shot of our hands, mine over top of his, showing off our wedding rings. Mine was a small silver band with diamonds all around it and Jasper's was a bit bigger with one little diamond in the center. We had picked them out together along with an engagement ring Jasper had forgotten about in his excitement.

It had taken me almost two months after the divorce to finally take that damn ring off. My finger still had the indent of a ring. I turned the page to yet another photo of me and Jasper. This one was of us dancing together. We looked so lost in each other's eyes, unaware of the world around us. Jasper was holding me tightly to him with one hand at the small of my back, and the other holding my hand to his chest.

_"I'm so glad you said yes. I can't believe you're my wife now."_

_"You're my husband. I love you."_

_"Not as much as I love you, Mrs. Whitlock."_

_"I'll never get tired of the way that sounds."_

_"Neither will I. I promise you right here, right now, as long as I have you, I'll never do anything to hurt you."_

_"I know you won't." He leaned in to kiss me as the song played out and a new one started. We continued to sway and hold each other close even as a fast dance song started to play. We stayed like that until my dad tapped Jasper's shoulder to cut in._

_"May I have the next dance?"_

_"Sure, Daddy."_

_"I meant with Jasper." He teased. He had taken the idea of me getting married pretty well, until I came downstairs one day in my dress as the day got closer._

_"What do you think, Daddy?"_

_"That my baby isn't a baby anymore." He told me, trying to wipe his eyes quickly so I wouldn't see._

_"I'll always be your baby, Dad."_

_"I know. You're just all grown up, getting married. Pretty soon you'll have babies of your own."_

_"Dad!"_

_"No, let me have this. Make sure Jasper takes care of you."_

_"He will, Daddy."_

_"I love you, Bells."_

_"I love you too, Dad."_

_My moment of remembering cut short by my dad asking to dance again._

_"So, can I have the last dance with my little girl?"_

_"Of course." Jasper stepped back, placing the hand he had been holding into my dad's waiting one._

_"You really did it. You're married."_

_"I really did it."_

_"I really am happy for you, Bells. I can see in his eyes how much he loves you."_

_"I love him a lot too."_

_"I can see that."_

_I danced with my dad for two more songs, before being returned to Jasper. We spent the rest of the night dancing and telling each other how much we loved each other._

I continued to turn page after page of the album, as I waited for the tears to come. I looked at a photo of us kissing, me tossing my flowers, Jasper going in after my garter with his teeth, but no tears came, just fond memories I wished hadn't had to end.

I made it to the last page when a note in Jasper's handwriting fell onto my lap.

"_Dear Bella,_

_A year ago today you made me the happiest man alive. You married me. I plan to spend the rest of our life together showing you just how thankful I am._

_I stuck this in our wedding album for you to find whenever you look at it again._

_I love you._

_Jasper"_

I folded the note back up, placing it back in the album, the tears finally falling freely down my face.


	16. Chapter 15: A Reminder

**October 2012**

"Parker, how many times have I told you Monkey is not a jungle gym?"

"Sorry, Mommy."

"Please don't do it again. I can't afford another broken arm."

"Ok, Mommy. Come on Monkey, let's go watch TV."

"No, TV! Your dad's on his way. I want you to have your stuff ready before he gets here."

I had let Parker go to the wedding. I however, didn't. Since Jasper had gotten back from his honeymoon, I hadn't spoken more than a few words to him. I made sure P had her stuff already waiting by the door, had already told her I loved her and was locked in my office.

I knew it was childish to hide from him like that, but I had felt so slapped in the face when Jasper told me he asked Alice to marry him. I had finally given in to the idea of another try and he had finally given up on trying. It was what I had wanted, but I never expected him to move on with the very person that had helped cause this whole cluster-fuck.

I heard a load roar pulling into the driveway, followed by a door slamming.

"Daddy!"

"Hey, baby girl! Where's your mom?"

"Her office."

"I figured. I'm gonna go drop something off with your mom then we can go."

"Ok."

I heard Jasper walking down the hallway. I tried to make myself look busy so maybe he wouldn't stay as long.

"Bella?" He spoke, softly knocking on the open door. "Can I talk to you?"

"If you feel you must."

"I do."

"Then talk."

"Look, I'm sorry if me marrying Alice hurt you again, but you made it perfectly clear you and I were done. I never wanted any of this. You asked for the divorce. You told me it was too late to start over. All of that was you.

"Your point?"

"My point is I loved you and I tried my damnedest to make you see how fucking sorry I was for everything I did and you wouldn't have it. So, I gave up, moved on and now you're mad at me."

"You moved on with the other woman, Jasper. How is that supposed to make me feel? I didn't think you'd be alone forever if I kept telling you no, but fuck ... Alice? Do you love her?"

"Not as much as I'd loved you ... as I still love you."

"That's not what I asked."

"I like her company. She's easy to talk to. I guess, yes, I love her."

"I loved you so much, Jasper, and you hurt me ... bad. I couldn't forgive that. It was too late for us. I needed time, a minute to decompress. After that night on my couch, it sparked something. I missed you. I told myself maybe I was wrong, that it wasn't too late. I was never gonna be able to forgive or forget. But maybe I could move on. We could move on."

"Then you spring the news that not only are you getting married, but you're marrying Alice. It brought everything right back to the surface. I always feared you'd pick her over me. I was right."

"I never picked her over you. You wouldn't let me pick you."

"It doesn't matter now, does it?"

I watched as Jasper walked out of my office, not saying anything more to me. I heard him yell to Parker he was ready to leave, the door slamming behind them. It had always been too late for him, now it was too late for me.

A few months later, I was hunched over a box in my garage. I had been trying to clean out some of Parker's baby toys she no longer played with. Every once in a while a memory of Parker playing with whatever toy was in my hand, would spring to life and a few tears would run down my face.

I never heard Jasper coming up behind me, 'til he was leaning over my shoulder.

"What are you doing?"

"Fuck, you scared me. I'm getting rid of P's old toys."

"Need some help?"

"Sure, grab a box and start digging. What are you doing here anyway?"

"Alice took Mattie shopping. I didn't want to go. So I figured I'd come hang with P."

"Ahh, P's in her room doing homework."

"I know. She answered the door, told me she could play after her report was done and then shut the door in my face."

"So, you're bothering me ...?"

"You looked like you could use some company too."

We spent the next hour sorting boxes, sharing stories over some of the things we found. At some point during our cleaning, Jasper had moved to sit next to me. He was leaning over my shoulder as I flipped through one of Parker's well worn and read bedtime stories.

"I remember reading that to her every night."

"I did too. Remember the one time she forgot it and you had to drive all the way back over here just to get it?"

"She wouldn't stop crying 'til I did."

"How old was she then? That seems so long ago now."

"Four. We never lost sight of that book for a whole year."

"Remember Pumpernickel?" I asked him as I pulled out a small stuffed dog, its right ear missing.

"I got him for her shortly after we divorced. She loved that damn thing."

"She kept him right up until you got her a real doggy. Hence the missing ear."

We shared more stories and memories for another hour or so. I was starting to relax around Jasper. My anger was starting to wear off. I would never like why he had married Alice, but I was learning to understand it.

I saw Jasper reach into the last box that needed looked in, pulling out a small ring box, my wedding and engagement ring resting safely inside.

"In the garage?"

"I didn't want the reminder in the house."

"Keep or toss then?"

"I guess keep. Parker may want them one day."

"I still have mine too." He told me, pulling a chain away from his neck, his wedding band housed on it.

"Jasper ..." My words got stopped mid-thought as Jasper pressed his lips to mine softly. I felt him try to pull me closer, before I caught myself and stopped him.

"Jasper, we can't. You're married. I'm not gonna be the other woman. I know how it feels."

"I'm sorry."

"Yeah, maybe you should go check on P?"


	17. Epilogue

**So this is the end for Loving Your Memory. I will be re-adding the Jasper side fic to this The Memories Fade. As well working on the Alice POV to both. So stay tuned for that. **

**I also have a few new stories and a bunch of my past One-Shots going up in the coming weeks.**

**I have kept my old Authors notes for this story down at the bottom, if you have questions or comments please let me know.**

* * *

**Epilogue **

There's a funny thing about life, it has a way of working out exactly how it's supposed to, whether we like it or not.

Through the years, as Parker grew up, we had come to an understanding of sorts. We still had our moments, a fight about a missed softball game, a stray look when he thought I wasn't looking after the kiss almost happened in my garage. I tried to let go of some of my anger from the affair, I had even started to accept and get over him marrying the other woman. I would never like it ... but, Jasper was right and I guess if I thought about it, I had to agree. We had had our time once and getting back together would never have worked out between us in the end.

Parker and Mattie also spent a lot more time around each other after Jasper married Alice, slowly becoming the best of friends. Mattie even spent a few nights at my house from time to time as they grew up. I was glad they had each other, that they would always have each other for the things life throws at them.

I still can't believe we have made it to this day. Parker all grown and graduating high school. I sit next to Jasper waiting for the ceremony start. He is seated next to Alice and Mattie, who will be graduating next year and bouncing on his knee is he and Alice's second child.

A few years after he married Alice, she found out she was pregnant again. I found myself actually a little happy for him as the time went on. They had another little girl, Willow Rose Whitlock, named after Jasper's sister. Rose wasn't thrilled at first, but when she saw I was semi-handling it, she welcomed the new baby with open arms.

On my other side is Rose and her husband Emmett. He sat rubbing calming patterns on her growing belly as we all waited for Parker to walk on stage.

I had always wondered how she was able to stay with Emmett after his affair. It was something I wouldn't have been able to do. I wasn't sure if my leaving Jasper made me stronger or if being able to forgive and move on made me stronger, but I couldn't change those things now, even if I wanted to.

Sometimes it doesn't matter how much you love someone, it's just not meant to be.

After a while, I tried dating a few times, but with Parker still being young at the time, it never felt right. I eventually gave up on dating all together and focused on raising Parker. It never really bothered me that I was alone. I had P, Rose and my job to fill up my time.

Another reason I found I didn't want to date, was no man would ever be Jasper. I would never be able to feel for someone like I had for him and it didn't seem fair to just settle so I wouldn't be alone. Maybe now that Parker was an adult, I would give it another go. I wasn't in any rush though.

The music started as the students stood to make their way to the stage. I felt Jasper leaning into me.

"We did it."

"I know. We did good."

"The best."

**Chapter End Notes:**

**Now, time for a really fucking long A/N. I have been reading your reviews from chapter one, and I wanted to try and clear some things up. **

**Before I begin though, thank you all sooo much for sticking by me with this story and leaving me some amazing reviews. It means so much.**

Shall we? First off, I never wanted Jasper to be looked at as the bad guy, he made a mistake with Bella, and had been trying the whole story to show her he wasn't that guy anymore. However, I wanted him to be human and still have moments of forgetting what talking about Alice may feel like to Bella. That didn't make him an asshole, it made him a guy. They say stupid things all the time. I wanted Bella to learn to be able to be his friend, my readers be able to, too.

By Bella telling him it was too late, he was hurt as well. He loved Bella, still loves Bella. But she was hurt and trying to protect herself, by doing that she was hurting Jasper. In the chapter he tells her he asked Alice to marry him, it wasn't him being an asshole, it was him accepting his fate and trying to move on. Does he love Alice? I tried to cover that somewhat in the last chapter before this one. In a way he does, he loves her as a friend, he has a child with her. He wanted to make it right, be a good guy and since Bella up until chap 13 hadn't let him, he was trying to move on. It was always Bella he wanted, hell he still wants her. They were each others first love, that's not easy to get over. Alice understands this, and doesn't feel second best. She is just like Jasper, trying to make the best of the situation.

I looked at him marrying Alice the same as a couple that had been married 50 years and one died, they remarry again a few years later. Not cause they moved on, but because they miss the companionship of having someone around. Does it make it right? Maybe not, but that's life.

The other thing, and then I swear I'll shut up. Bella wasn't ever, not once weak or needing a backbone. She was dealing with losing her husband and being a single mother as an adult. I wanted Bella to handle certain moments with Jasper with an air of eerie calm, she wasn't gonna break down and cry in bed for days. She couldn't, she had a job and a child, she also wasn't gonna yell and throw things at Jasper either. She was just gonna handle it and try to move on. Bella taking the puppy, and moments like that, were not her being weak to Jasper, but her being a mom to Parker and picking her battles.

Also, Alice wasn't a bad person. She didn't mess around with the whole office. As told in latter chapters. She had a boyfriend who worked with Jasper, that was where the "discrete" line came in, the affair with Jasper was her only fault. By having her and Bella meet, I wanted Bella to be able to see her as a human and a mother too. She doesn't forgive Alice or Jasper, but she see's that maybe if things hadn't happened the way they did, maybe Alice could have been a friend.

I have said this a few times in my blog, the way Bella handles things in this story is how I handled some of the same things when they happened to me. This was somewhat based off of a personal experience. I posted this as Jasper/Bella, NOT because that was the couple pairing at the end, or even throughout the story, but because this story was about the two of them. Their life in the past and now.

Any other questions you may have, please feel free to message me. And if I still have any readers left, stay tuned for the side fic "The Memories Fade" done in Jasper's POV.

**Thank you again, Frankie**


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